About Boundaries
What boundaries are and are not
A boundary is not a barrier. A boundary is not punishment. A boundary is not about enforcing control upon someone else.
Boundaries are clear, and compassionate acts of self respect. This is the space where your needs, values, and nervous system feel safe, honored, and whole.
Digging Deeper
Boundaries are the personal limits we set to protect our emotional, mental, and physical energy. They help define what’s okay for us and what isn’t — in relationships, in work, in rest, and in how we allow ourselves to be treated.
Many of us (myself included) learned that boundaries are unsafe. We were told, implicitly and explicitly, that saying “no” makes us selfish, cold, or unlovable.
When we internalize these messages, we can:
Become hyper available to others, neglecting our own needs
Struggle with guilt or anxiety when trying to assert ourselves
Remain in cycles of burnout or emotional harm
The truth of the matter is: not setting boundaries is not neutral. It costs us — physically, and emotionally. You are allowed to take up space, not just in emergencies, but every day.
Boundaries are like a thermostat—they should adjust to your current emotional climate. Some days you’ll need more protection; other days, more connection. This isn’t inconsistency—it’s self-awareness. Trauma and adversity can teach us to lock into rigid patterns for safety, but healing invites us to respond, not react. Flexible boundaries honor both your nervous system and your capacity for change.
Is it time for you to set greater boundaries?
Maybe you unintentionally ignore the signs of overwhelm? Maybe you are fearful of others reactions to you expressing your own needs? Take a look at these common signs below that it is time to take action to protect and care for yourself.
Emotionally you might feel:
Resentment towards others for “taking advantage” of limits that you have not voiced
Guilty for saying no
Burned out, overwhelmed, or emotionally depleted in an area of your life
A constant desire to chronically please others or a fear of rejection
Behaviorally you might:
Say “yes” when you mean “no”
Avoid confrontation or important conversations
Stay in relationships, jobs, or environments that feel unaligned
Overcommit only to withdraw or cancel at a later date
Ignoring your needs is often (not always) a response rooted in early conditioning that conveyed and communicated that your needs weren’t valid or allowed to be prioritized. Over time, this can lead to codependency, burnout, low self worth, and chronic disconnection for your own self.
Off The Page: Actioning The Insights
Setting boundaries — now.
Boundary-setting takes courage—not because you’re doing something wrong, but because you’re doing something different. If you weren’t taught that your needs matter, choosing to honor them now can feel unfamiliar, even risky. But courage isn’t the absence of fear—it’s showing up with care anyway.
Below are small, doable ways to start setting boundaries that reflect your worth, protect your energy, and build trust with yourself.
Body Scan before a “Yes”
When you are confronted with a request, pause. Drop down into your body and recognize somatic responses to the request. Do you feel pressure? ease? tightness? excitement? readiness? Let your sensation guide your response.
Choose one micro boundary to set
The intention here is to start small. Maybe this means: closing your laptop at 6pm to enjoy a decompressing evening, not responding to texts after 9pm to prioritize rest, or asking a friend/colleague/partner not to interrupt you while you are speaking. Get creative and consider what you truly need.
Use boundaries as relationship builders
If you need to prioritize your own self care, in an interpersonal relationship, try reframing your responses to others. For example, instead of “I don’t want to hang out,” try: “I value our time, and I also need some quiet space to recharge today. Let’s reconnect later this week.”
Note: Boundaries in interpersonal relationships show others how to meet you where you are, not where you are feeling pressured to pretend to be.
Thank You
Thank you for joining me this week! I’m excited to keep sharing insights from my work, research, and personal journey with you.
Did something resonate with you? Curious about applying these strategies in your life? Or know someone who might benefit?
Use the link below to schedule a consultation or forward this newsletter to a friend!
Extras
Let your voice be heard
Click the button below to share anonymous feedback on Mindful Monday. This will support me in continually bringing aligned insights that you all can action in your day to day life to witness a shift.
Join me in The Library
I have recently published The LIbrary at charanbashir.com. Here you will find a collection of reads that have cultivated inspiration, joy, curiosity, insight, discovery, and self reflection + you can check out my current reads and read along with me.
Read More
