Pangs of Negative Thinking
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Negative thoughts are not the enemy — They are often meaningful signals shaped by our lived experience, and how we respond to them determines whether they become sources of insight or ongoing suffering.
Not every difficult thought is worth engaging — Some carry information worth examining, others are distortions that lose their power the moment we stop treating them as truth.
Working with thought is a skill — It can be learned, practiced, and refined, and the freedom on the other side of it is not the absence of hard thoughts, but a different relationship with them.
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“Some people are remarkably good at reading the emotional temperature of a situation. They can pick up on what others are feeling, manage their own emotions, and respond skillfully. What's their secret? This week, we explore the science of emotional intelligence with psychologist Peter Salovey.”
Click here to listen to the episode from Hidden Brain.
Meeting the Mind
At times throughout the day, it is not uncommon for unwelcomed and uninvited thoughts to show up (i.e. I am not enough, They are going to leave, I am falling behind, I will never figure this out). Sometimes these thoughts pass quickly, and other times, the thoughts can linger and become a full cycle of rumination that can shift the tone of our days, relationships, or even an entire season of our lives.
In my work, I have encountered those who believe that if they were healthier, more evolved, or more disciplined — they would simply not have these thoughts. This is in fact one of the most misleading pieces of an internal narrative that we can carry as people. The mind produces thoughts on a continual basis and even the most grounded, self aware, deeply resourced person can still meet doubt, insecurity, worry, and self criticism.
Today, we bring our attention to the negative thinking patterns that arise in our minds, consider what they can be pointing towards, and begin cultivating a practice of working with your thoughts as opposed to feeling pulled by them.
When the mind gets noisy
Let’s explore what happens in the mind when negative thinking feels persistent.
Negativity bias is a phenomenon that describes the human tendency to give greater weight to negative experiences, information, and thoughts than to positive ones of equivalent magnitude. It is important to recognize this not as a personal flaw, but rather an inheritance of human history — the ability to notice threat quickly has evolutionarily been more essential to survival than the ability to savor safety. This explains why one critical comment can outweigh ten kind ones, and why a small worry can dominate an entire day.
From a clinical standpoint, CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) gives us a strong foundation for understanding negative thoughts. Foundational insight within this realm reveals that our emotions and behaviors are not caused directly by events, but by our interpretations of those events. Automatic thoughts, as referenced by CBT, are the rapid and unnoticed cognitive responses that shape our emotional experience — while cognitive distortions (🔗) describe the thinking traps that many of us fall into without realizing it (i.e. catastrophizing, dichotomous thinking, mind reading, and personalization). These are very common, and very human.
So am I just thinking about things wrong? Is that the issue?
When taking a look at CBT, it can sometimes feel like the message is, “You are thinking about the situation wrong”. The deeper work facilitated using CBT as a tool, is far more compassionate than that surface framing suggests. In the work that I facilitate with clients, CBT invites greater inquiry and curiosity about the thoughts we have been treating as facts — it offers up tools to examine whether a particular interpretation is supported by evidence, whether it is helpful, and whether it is one of many ways of making sense of a situation. This is empowering, as it is the recognition that our thoughts, however loud, are not the same as reality. At times, we can even mistake rumination (🔗) for positive reflection, when in reality we are just unproductively cycling our negative thoughts through our mind.
Philosophical Grounds
Prior to the contemporary psychological reasoning of CBT, stoic philosophers were writing about the relationship between thought and suffering with striking clarity. In one of my favorites — and a noted foundational text on Stoicism — Meditations by Marcus Aurelius, the author reflects on returning again and again to the same insight: the events of our lives cause us less pain than our judgments about those events. He writes about disciplining the mind, examining our impressions before we act on them, and recognizing that much of what disturbs us is not the situation itself but the story we are telling ourselves about it.
Working skillfully with our thinking is not a modern therapeutic invention — it is one of the oldest human practices we have. Whether we come at it through the lens of stoicism, CBT, or a blend of contemplative and clinical approaches, the underlying recognition is the same. Our thoughts are not always accurate, our interpretations are not always the truth, and developing the capacity for examination is an important act of freedom.
Not every negative thought is a distortion
Some of the negative thoughts that we hold are signals pointing towards something in our lives that is asking to be addressed. Maybe for you it’s the recurring worry about a professional situation that is genuinely draining you, or the doubt that arises around a commitment that no longer aligns with your values. Dismissing these thoughts prematurely can cause us to overlook real signals from our own inner wisdom. Meanwhile, other negative thoughts are not signals but patterns. The learned distortions, echoes of earlier experiences, or the negativity bias operating in ways that have nothing to do with the current moment.
The value in defusion
Cognitive defusion is a strategy from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) that asks us to relate to a thought as a thought and not a fact. Rather than believing “I am not enough”, we might notice, “I am having the thought that I am not enough”. This small linguistic shift creates space between us and the thought, and in that space, we regain the ability to choose whether to engage with it or let it pass. The skill here is telling the difference between thoughts worth investigating and ones worth defusing. This is not a science, but rather cultivated discernment that develops over time through honest self inquiry and practice.
Off The Page: Actioning The Insights
Working skillfully with your thoughts
Your practice this week
This week, your practice is to bring awareness to your relationship with your own thinking. Take a look at the reflection questions below as well as the strategies to practice this week, and notate what insights arise for you.
Reflection Questions:
What negative thoughts arise most reliably in your life? What situations tend to activate them?
Which of these thoughts feel like signals, and which feel like patterns?
What would it look like to relate to your thoughts with curiosity rather than fear, avoidance, or distraction?
Strategies:
Examine the thought (Pulling on CBT)
When a negative thought arises this week, take a moment to examine it as if you were investigating a hypothesis rather than accepting a verdict. You are not forcing yourself to think positively, but rather practicing the discipline of examining whether the thought is accurate before deciding how much weight to give it.
Defuse the thought (Pulling on ACT)
When you notice a thought that has been arriving repeatedly, try renaming it in the language of observation (i.e. move from “I am not enough” to “I am noticing the thought that I am not enough”). This reframing is small and over time the effect will become significant — you are not your thoughts.
Notice, allow, and let pass (Pulling on Mindfulness)
Set aside a few minutes this week to sit quietly and simply observe the thoughts that arise, without engaging any of them. When a thought arises, silently note “I am thinking” and allow it to move on. If it returns, note it again, and allow it to move on yet again. This practice supports the recognition that thoughts, though loud and at times difficult, are events in the mind rather than facts of reality.
The freedom that you might be seeking is not truly the absence of difficult thoughts. It is the quiet disciplined capacity to work with them, examine what deserves examination, release what deserves release, and meet each thought with curiosity as opposed to reticence.
Thank You
Thank you for joining me this week! I’m excited to keep sharing insights from my work, research, and personal journey with you.
Did something resonate with you? Curious about applying these strategies in your life? Or know someone who might benefit?
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● New Reads in The Library
Currently me and my book club are reading, “The Dream Hotel” by Laila Lalami — click the link below to add this to your library and read along with us!
A Listen for the Week
As I continue to consume relevant content, I will share it here to deepen knowledge, perspective, and inquiry on a variety of topics related to wellness. This week I am sharing an episode from the Hidden Brain podcast.
How Feelings Make Us Smarter
“Some people are remarkably good at reading the emotional temperature of a situation. They can pick up on what others are feeling, manage their own emotions, and respond skillfully. What's their secret? This week, we explore the science of emotional intelligence with psychologist Peter Salovey.”
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