What does it mean to accept?
Arguing with reality?
Have you ever noticed how quickly the mind jumps to protest when life doesn’t match our expectations? The flight gets canceled. The relationship shifts. The job that once felt secure suddenly doesn’t.
Almost instinctively, we think: This shouldn’t be happening 🙃
It’s the start of an argument we can never win — one with reality itself. And yet, most of us spend enormous energy fighting what’s already true. We replay conversations, resist emotions, and tighten around what we wish would change.
Acceptance, in moments like these, can feel like surrender, like saying, “Fine, I give up.” But what if acceptance isn’t the end of effort but rather, the beginning of clarity?
Acceptance is not approval
Socially, acceptance is often mistaken for agreement — yet the two represent very different forms of response.
We often believe that:
Accepting something means we’re condoning it.
Letting go of resistance means we’ve given in — to disappointment, injustice, or failure.
Meeting reality “as it is” somehow means losing agency or settling.
But radical acceptance isn’t about saying, “This is okay.” It’s about saying, “This is what is.”
This shift, from arguing with reality to meeting it with awareness, is where our power returns.
A few perspectives that help ground this:
In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (🔗 DBT), radical acceptance is defined as the total recognition of reality in this moment — not because we approve of it, but because denying it multiplies our suffering.
In Eastern philosophy, this is reflected in the principle: “Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.”
When we stop resisting what is, our energy is no longer tangled in avoidance. It becomes available for:
Discernment: seeing clearly what needs to change.
Healing: releasing the emotional charge of resistance.
Action: responding with clarity instead of reactivity.
Off The Page: Actioning The Insights
Practicing Acceptance
Cultivating your practice
Shifting from resistance to acceptance isn’t easy, it asks us to pause when we want to fix or flee. This week, practice in small ways: notice tension in your body, pause before reacting, or let one thing be imperfect. Each small act of allowing steadies the nervous system and teaches it to meet life with curiosity instead of contraction.
1. Notice when you’re arguing with reality
When stress rises, pause and ask:
“What part of this moment am I rejecting?”
“Am I wishing things were different instead of working with what’s here?” Even subtle resistance — irritation, impatience, or overthinking — signals that you’re fighting reality. Awareness is the first step toward choice.
2. Replace “I can’t believe this” with “This is what’s happening.”
This phrase acts as a grounding anchor for the nervous system.
It stops the mental tug-of-war and restores presence.
Acceptance doesn’t remove discomfort, it creates room to breathe inside it.
3. Name the loss before moving on
Resistance often hides unspoken grief — the plan that changed, the version of life you imagined, the expectation that didn’t unfold.
Naming what was lost brings compassion to what your body is holding.
Grief acknowledged becomes energy released.
Thank You
Thank you for joining me this week! I’m excited to keep sharing insights from my work, research, and personal journey with you.
Did something resonate with you? Curious about applying these strategies in your life? Or know someone who might benefit?
Use the link below to schedule a consultation or forward this newsletter to a friend!
● Featured —
Clearing the Debris: Mental Health in Real Estate with Charan Bashir
I recently joined Sumina Bhatti on her podcast, “The Rested and Rich Real Estate Agent” to discuss a theme that shows up in my work with therapy and coaching clients — the tension between how success is defined externally and how we define it for ourselves.
Here a snapshot of what we got into:
Freedom Reframed — What does financial freedom mean to you?
The Pressure to Perform — No matter the discipline, you will have a pressure to perform, what happens when you don’t buy into it?
Clearing the Debris — Navigating the emotional debris that quietly blocks your path
Redefining Success — What matters the most to you, actually?
The Space Between — Slowing down to recognize moments of rest and connection
This is a conversation about burnout, authenticity, and reclaiming success on your own terms! Use the link below to listen now and thank you for being a part of this community. My hope is that this conversation gives you a moment of reflection — and maybe the permission — to step off the performance treadmill and reconnect with what matters most to you.
Extras
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● New Reads in the Library!
I frequently publish the titles that I read alongside my book club of fellow therapists, colleagues, and friends. Use the link below to explore our current read, “Are You Mad at Me?” by Meg Josephson and explore previous titles organized by category online at charanbashir.com!
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