Measuring Yourself Against Others
The Thief of Joy?
It starts innocently enough, scrolling through Instagram over coffee, checking LinkedIn between meetings. A friend announces a promotion. Someone else shares a highlight from a perfectly orchestrated vacation. Another posts a milestone you’ve quietly been working toward, but haven’t reached yet.
Before you know it, you’re not just catching up — you’re measuring up. And the yardstick you’re using isn’t your own.
Comparison is often framed as a harmless human instinct — an occasional glance at someone else’s highlight reel. But in practice, it’s one of the most persistent psychological challenges we face today, especially in this era where curated lives are on constant display.
Drifting from Authenticity isn’t a New Phenomenon
Historically, we’ve always measured ourselves against others, this is referenced sociologically as Social Comparison Theory (the phenomenon that states, as people we often assess our own worth, abilities, and opinions by comparing ourselves to other people).
Instagram and LinkedIn (just to name a few) flood us with curated snapshots of personal and professional “wins.” The more we scroll, the more we silently ask: Am I doing enough? Achieving enough? Becoming enough?
The cost isn’t just emotional. Each glance outward can pull us off course, nudging us toward someone else’s ideal instead of our own values, intentions, and pace.
Impacts on Self Concept and Esteem
Sociological research illuminates that inauthentic self presentation can diminish self concept and lower self esteem over time. The pressure to perform can pull us further from genuine connection with others and makes vulnerability feel unsafe.
The Not So Hidden Costs of Comparison:
Blurred Self Identity
You lose clarity on who you are when you adapt to others’ expectations
Lower Self Esteem
You lose positive reflections of the self when you compare to online images and acheivements
Fear of Vulnerability
Sharing authentically becomes connected to greater risk when self worth is hinged upon approval from others
Emotional Fragility
When we base our sense of esteem on external validation we experience inner instability
Off The Page: Actioning The Insights
Reclaiming your internal compass
Let’s pivot together
This week I invite you, alongside me, to notice when comparison starts to steer your thoughts and gently guide yourself back to your own path. I wrestle with it too; it’s a habit that can quietly pull any of us off course.
These simple practices aren’t about ignoring what others are doing — they’re about using those moments as signposts that point us back toward what truly matters. Try them over the next few days and see how they shift your focus from measuring up to living in alignment.
Naming The Loop
The moment you notice yourself scrolling and comparing, pause. Interrupt your autopilot by acknowledging what is happening, “I am stuck in a comparison loop.”
Shift To Inquiry
Instead of asking, “Am I enough?” give this a try: “What about this person’s experience is speaking to me?” Use their perceived success as a mirror to clarify your own values rather than as a metric to judge yourself.
Anchor Back to Your Values
Keep a short list of 3 to 5 personal values or intentions for the season that you are currently in. When comparison strikes, revisit the list and ask, “Are my current feelings in alignment with what I say matters most to me?”
🔗 Click here for a comprehensive list of values to give you a head start (This is a great resource that I often use with clients to support with discovering the values they aim to align with)
Thank You
Thank you for joining me this week! I’m excited to keep sharing insights from my work, research, and personal journey with you.
Did something resonate with you? Curious about applying these strategies in your life? Or know someone who might benefit?
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