The Healing Power of Community
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The nervous system is fundamentally relational — Human beings are wired to regulate, heal, and grow in the presence of safe and attuned others.
Co-regulation precedes self-regulation — Before we learn to soothe ourselves, we learn what it feels like to be soothed by another.
Community is a mental health intervention — Belonging to spaces where we are witnessed, accepted, and met expands our window for what we can hold, navigate and grow through.
Let’s start with naming what is already true
There is something that the body recognizes in the presence of a person who feels safe — you might even find that in your closest relationships, simply sharing space allows your breath to soften and your mind to be at rest.
Think of your friend who listens without trying to fix, you mentor who truly sees you deeply, or your community that holds you close in the midst of loss or uncertainty. These moments can feel incredibly healing, simply by being in the presence of others.
Today, we take a look at the role that community has in creating positive mental health outcomes and observe how relationships can shape what we are able to feel, face, and become.
Why relationships matter
The importance of relationships can be illuminated by taking a look at the autonomic nervous system, the part of us that is constantly scanning environments for cues of safety or threat.
Dr. Stephen Porges, the developer of Polyvagal Theory, introduced the concept of neuroception. This is a process upon which the nervous system assesses aspects of environments to determine how safe we can feel (i.e. expressions, tone of voice, body language). When safety is detected, particularly the safety of being in the presence of a regulated human being, the parasympathetic nervous system (PNS) becomes active — allowing our bodies to be at a state of rest, feeling grounded, curious, connected, and capable of being present. Porges references the evolved parts of the PNS as the Social Engagement System, and when this is state is activated co-regulation can occur.
Co-Regulation is the process by which one nervous system is helping another find its way back to a regulated state. This is not a metaphor, but rather a biological process. When a calm, well attuned person, sits with someone in distress, they signal a felt sense of safety that a distressed person can borrow from. Over time, repeated experiences of co-regulation lay the groundwork for self regulation.
This is precisely one of the major benefits of therapy in my eyes — and one of the most evidence supported truths in the field of mental health. The relationship, or the therapeutic alliance as it is named, allows for clients to engage in a space where they can build attunement and co-regulation to bring back into their daily lives and incorporate into their interpersonal relationships.
Caveat — Some relationships are not safe
As we process this topic, it is important to note that as you navigate your real life — some relationships are truly not safe. For many people I have worked with, relational experience has been a primary source of pain rather than repair. Being asked to lean into community can feel complicated when the relational templates available to you have included betrayal, dismissal, conditional love, or harm.
This is worth naming clearly. If connection has felt risky in your life, an initial sense of unease around others makes sense — your nervous system is doing what it was designed to. The work here is to begin gently and with care, to discover if there are relationships in the here and now that present safety in real time as opposed to mirroring what you were denied.
Off The Page: Actioning The Insights
Leaning into the healing properties of community
Discovering where you can connect
The relational fabric of your life is shaping the daily baseline of your nervous system. The people you spend time with and the space you return to, are influencing what you can tolerate, what feels possible, and how much capacity you have to meet what is uncertain.
Take a look at the reflection questions and strategies below to begin engaging more mindfully with others and discovering communities where you can thrive.
Reflection Questions:
Who in your life leave you more regulated after spending time with them? Who does not?
What communities allow you to show up as you actually are?
What kind of community are you in a position to offer?
Strategies:
Identify your regulating relationships — Take a few quiet moments to consider the people in your life whose presence reliably helps you feel more grounded and more yourself. These are your co-regulators.
Make contact this week — Reach out to the people you have identified and make an effort to lean in consistently. These are the individuals who will give you the landing space and energy needed to continue to navigate a world of omnipresent unpredictability.
Take note of one community space that supports your authenticity — Consider the spaces, formal or informal, where you feel the most able to be yourself. Think about how you can engage more intentionally with them this week. If one does not exist, explore what the first step towards discovering an aligned space can look like for you. This pursuit is a form of mental health care.
Relationships are medicinal, and healing is profoundly communal. The capacity to be with what is uncertain, painful, or unknown is rarely something we develop alone. It is built in the company of those who are willing to be with us as we construct it.
Thank You
Thank you for joining me this week! I’m excited to keep sharing insights from my work, research, and personal journey with you.
Did something resonate with you? Curious about applying these strategies in your life? Or know someone who might benefit?
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● New Reads in The Library
Currently me and my book club are reading, “Happier Hour” by Cassie Holmes, PhD. Click the link below to add this title you your library and read along with us!
A Read for the Week
As I continue to consume relevant content, I will share it here to deepen knowledge, perspective, and inquiry on a variety of topics related to wellness. This week I am sharing a substack from a great friend of mine, Adria Moses. Explore more below!
The Letters by Adria Moses
Letters on healing, sovereignty, grief, desire, embodiment, memory, illness, and spirit, guided by themes of tenderness, resistance, and survival.
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