Your Relationship with Fear
You never know what is waiting on the other side
Fear is one of the most human experiences that we have. It can show up quietly in the background when you think about making a change, and can grow louder when you imaging stepping into something unfamiliar. At times, fear can feel so convincing that we shape our entire lives around avoiding it.
This week, I am offering up an invitation to slow down and become curious about the fears that might be driving your life. The aim is to understand them with greater clarity and compassion — and less avoidance.
So what is fear, actually?
Fear is not just an emotion, but also a pattern that forms through repetition within the body and mind. From a trauma informed perspective, fear is about the moment and what your body and mind has learned from experiences of the past. Your brain has an inherent threat detection system, and when exposed to numerous negative experiences, it can become overly sensitive to perceived threats. (e.g. perceived harm, disappointment, or overwhelm). Overtime, this means that some fears feel automatic in that before you even have time to think with intention, you are already responding.
Avoidance ≠ Safety
But, it can feel like it. Psychological research reveals that fear actually is strengthened through avoidance. Each time we turn away from what scares us, the brain learns to equate avoidance with a sensation of perceived safety. Naturally over time, this pattern can be reinforced in ways that make small steps towards confronting our fears seem impossible. The silver lining is that this pattern can also be turned on its head in adaptive ways — meaning that taking small steps in the direction of our fears through intentional practice can teach the body and mind that we can stay present with and survive, discomfort. The valuable piece here is to titrate this exposure based upon your individual needs. (i.e. baby steps are crucial)
Traversing New Territory
There is emotional benefit of sitting with fear long enough for insights to emerge. When you encourage yourself to confront, as opposed to avoid, what feels scary, you create the space for deeper truths to emerge. You might discover that an old belief is no longer relevant to your current context, a need has gone unmet for too long, or discover a desire that you have been afraid to admit to yourself. These are just a few of the benefits that come at the cost of your own fear — it needs to be traded in, in order for newness to embrace you. This is a simple, yet not easy, process.
Conceptually speaking, life would be “easier” if consistently lived from the perspective of our comfort zones — but when we embrace discomfort, we also recognize the plethora of ways that we can grow, develop, and thrive as people.
Off The Page: Actioning The Insights
The cost of courage is your fear
Start with intention and release expectation
This week, I encourage you to explore your fears in small ways that develop greater insight. The goal here is not to eradicate fear completely, but to begin understanding the role that it might be playing in different areas of your life.
Does your fear of failure hold you back from exploring something new? Does your fear of success and “what comes after” hold you back from really leaning into your passion? Does your fear of rejection hold you back from being authentically you with others? Even your loved ones? Does your fear of change keep you tethered to the same repetitive cycle? Does your fear of abandonment discourage you from setting boundaries based on your own needs? Or even exploring your own needs?
Give these practices a try this week and notate your experience.
Naming the fear with precision
Fears at time can feel vague and all-encompassing. Spend a few moments writing down exactly what you are afraid of and what you believe might happen. This practice can turn a looming feeling into something clearer and more workable.
Practice Micro Exposure
Choose a fear that is limiting your personal or professional growth. Break it down into the smallest steps that you can imagine and practice approaching it once a day. This could be as simple as trying something unfamiliar for 5 minutes.
Inquire about what the fear protects
Fear is often a protector, even when it feels unhelpful. Take a moment to imagine your fear as a part of you with a message. Ask it what it is trying to keep you safe from. Understanding the protective intention softens the shame around fear and makes change feel more possible.
Thank You
Thank you for joining me this week! I’m excited to keep sharing insights from my work, research, and personal journey with you.
Did something resonate with you? Curious about applying these strategies in your life? Or know someone who might benefit?
Use the link below to schedule a consultation or forward this newsletter to a friend!
● I am asking for your support!
Adria Moses @ The School of Radical Healing
I’d like to pause this week to highlight someone very special to me — my friend Adria. She’s preparing for surgery as part of her ongoing healing from Crohn’s Disease and is seeking communal support along the way.
If you feel called, I invite you to learn more and consider supporting her journey below!
ADRIA — MOSES
“I’ve lived with Crohn’s Disease for most of my life. It’s invisible, unpredictable, and exhausting, and this January I’ll be having another major surgery. This time, I’m choosing to do it differently. I’m asking for help. I created a GoFundMe to support my healing — the time I’ll need to rest, the cost of care, and the essentials that make recovery possible.
I know I can’t do this alone. Every donation, every share, every word of encouragement makes a real difference.”
Extras
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● New Reads in the Library!
Click the link below to explore my latest read, My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem!
My favorite books in this season of my life all explore the human experience from multiple perspectives. This can be in the form of non-fiction, or fiction from a perspective that reveals a creative exploration of the worlds that we can create in our mind.
If you have a recommendation for me — respond to this email, and I’d love to check it out!
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