An Emotional Field Guide
Doing your work
A phrase that we hear often, with respect to personal development, is “Doing the work”. This can show up in therapeutic conversations, on social media, or even in the dialogue we have with one another as we are going through difficult seasons of life.
But this phrase itself can feel vague for some. What is the work?
Often, what is alluded to here is some sort of emotional processing. The difficulty is that some of us were never handed a practical guide for how to do this work. Many people develop in environments where emotional material is dismissed, minimized, or treated as problems to fix. Others spent much of their developmental years trying to determine which environments or relationships were safe enough to express themselves at all.
So when someone tells us to process our emotions, it can feel like being asked to follow directions on a map we were never actually given. Today’s reflection offers up a grounded framework for navigating emotions without allowing them to take control over your life.
Emotions are indicators, not absolute truths
A helpful place to start is recognizing what emotions are. They are the signals of the body and mind that communicate something meaningful is happening in our internal or external environment. They can signal:
a value that has not been honored
a need that is unmet
a boundary that might need to be set
a fear that deserves attention
As powerful as they are, they do not represent the total truth of our experience. Anxiety might signal uncertainty, but not inevitable catastrophe. Anger may indicate a boundary has been crossed, but does not dictate how we must respond. Sadness might signal loss, but does not define the entirety of our future.
Learning to process emotions means honoring their information without surrendering agency to them.
The Wisdom of Our Wise Mind
Marsha Linehan, the creator of Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT 🔗), developed this therapy protocol to help individuals regulate intense emotional experiences and build lives worth living.
Central to this approach is the concept of the wise mind. Linehan proposed that human decision making often operates between two modes:
Emotion Mind
When feelings dominate our perception and behavior
Reasonable Mind
When logic, analysis, and facts guide our thinking
Neither mode is inherently wrong, in fact they are both necessary. But when either operates alone, we can feel an imbalance. Emotional mind without reason can lead to impulsive reactions. Reasonable mind without emotion can lead to detachment or avoidance of meaningful experience.
Wise Mind is the integration of both. This is the grounded internal voice that emerges when we allow emotions to inform us without allowing them to control us. Wise Mind does not ignore feelings, but it also does not allow them to dictate the entirety of our response. Learning to process emotions, is largely about strengthening access to our Wise Mind.
Off The Page: Actioning The Insights
A Field Guide to Navigating Emotion
Why emotional processing can feel so difficult?
When emotional regulation feels confusing or overwhelming, my method of ascertaining clarity is digging deeper into our developmental history. If adaptive emotional processing was not healthily modeled in our youth, we can begin to shift our focus towards survival strategies to make the best of adversity. These adaptations are intelligent and protective, but as we mature we might not have a clear blueprint for how to sit with emotions once safety has been established.
The encouraging truth here is that new skills are learnable.
Your Work
“The Work” in reality is far more ordinary that it might seem. There is no dramatic transformation, no immediate cathartic release of tension, but rather a sustained process of cultivating greater presence as you navigate your present reality — with an understanding of how the past has the opportunity to show up in your reactions to triggering stimuli. “The Work” as I define it for my clients is to strengthen the ability to navigate life’s inevitable tensions with greater clarity, steadiness, and self trust.
Practice these DBT informed skills below to move from reactivity to reflection to enhance the usage of the Wise Mind.
Observe the Emotion
Before trying to change anything, simply notice and name what you are feeling explicitly (e.g. what emotion is present right now? where do I feel it in my body? what triggered this?). Practice with this skill strengthens your ability to notice internal experiences without immediate judgement.
Name what the emotion is signalling
Emotions carry information about our needs and values. Take space to consider: what might this feeling be pointing towards? Is there a need that has not been met? a boundary that has been crossed? a loss that deserves acknowledgement? The goal is not to justify the emotion, but to understand the message it may carry.
Pause before acting
The emotional mind often urges immediate action. Wise mind asks us to pause long enough to respond intentionally. Take a few breaths, step away from the situation, and write down what you are feeling before expressing it. This spaciousness allows the Wise Mind to emerge.
Integrate emotion and reason
Ask yourself: What are my emotions telling me right now? What do the facts of the situation suggest? Wise Mind is where these two perspectives converge. Sometimes emotions reveal an important truth and at others they amplify a fear that deserves examination — both piece of information matter to develop greater self reflection.
Thank You
Thank you for joining me this week! I’m excited to keep sharing insights from my work, research, and personal journey with you.
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