Freeze ≠ Rest
Similar but not the same
Think about those evenings when you sink into the couch, staring at the TV or scrolling on your phone. From the outside, it looks like downtime. But inside, you might notice your body is tense, your thoughts are buzzing, and even after hours of being still, you don’t feel truly renewed.
That’s the difference between freeze and rest. Both involve stillness, but one is your body bracing in survival mode, and the other is your body softening into safety. Learning to tell them apart can help us move toward genuine healing and restoration.
What is freezing?
Freeze is a survival response. When fight or flight isn’t possible, the nervous system shuts us down. We go numb, check out, or feel paralyzed — not because we’re choosing to relax, but because our body is protecting us from being overwhelmed.
You may notice you’re in freeze if:
Your body feels heavy or stuck, even though your mind feels restless.
You feel disconnected from your emotions or like you’re “watching yourself” from outside.
You lose track of time or space, almost like going on autopilot.
You want to do something — like get up, respond, or act — but you can’t make your body follow through.
You feel both exhausted and wired at the same time.
What is rest?
Rest is a regulated state. It’s what happens when our body feels safe enough to soften, slow down, and repair. In rest, our breathing deepens, our muscles release, and we’re available to connection and renewal.
You may notice you’re in rest if:
Your breath feels steady and natural without effort.
Your body feels heavy in a pleasant, grounding way.
Your thoughts quiet down or move at a gentler pace.
You feel openness to yourself and others—like making eye contact, smiling, or engaging feels natural.
Afterward, you feel more replenished rather than drained.
Why this distinction matters:
It’s easy to mistake freeze for rest. But while freeze leaves us drained, rest restores us. Learning to recognize this difference in the flow of everyday life is a powerful step toward healthier coping.
Daily stresses — like the flood of notifications on your phone, the pressure of back-to-back meetings, or the exhaustion of navigating constant noise and conflict — can quietly push the nervous system into a frozen state.
From the outside it looks like rest, but inside the body is bracing, shut down, or running on empty. Noticing this distinction allows us to intervene with care: to pause intentionally, create moments of safety, and practice coping strategies that truly replenish us. Over time, this awareness helps us move from surviving to restoring, one small and accomplishable choice at a time.
Off The Page: Actioning The Insights
Creating space for a true restorative pause
Practicing Awareness
As you move through your week, try treating rest as an experiment. Pay attention to the small pivots — moments when you notice you’re not truly resting but stuck in freeze, or when you discover what helps you soften into real restoration. These subtle shifts in awareness can reshape the way you think about and experience rest, giving you more choice in how you care for yourself. See below for support this week!
How to recognize when you are frozen:
Notice if your body feels tense or braced even while you’re sitting or lying still.
Pay attention to mental fog, racing thoughts, or zoning out without feeling replenished afterward.
Check in with your energy: do you feel exhausted but also restless, like your body and mind are out of sync?
How to deepen experiences of true rest:
Create a calm environment: soften the lights, reduce background noise, or step away from screens.
Breathe slowly and intentionally, letting your exhale lengthen to signal safety to your nervous system.
Try gentle body awareness: notice the weight of your body on the chair or bed, or the temperature of the air around you.
End your rest with a self-check: ask, Do I feel lighter, more grounded, or more open?
Thank You
Thank you for joining me this week! I’m excited to keep sharing insights from my work, research, and personal journey with you.
Did something resonate with you? Curious about applying these strategies in your life? Or know someone who might benefit?
Use the link below to schedule a consultation or forward this newsletter to a friend!
● Featured this week —
Clearing the Debris: Mental Health in Real Estate with Charan Bashir
I recently joined Sumina Bhatti on her podcast, “The Rested and Rich Real Estate Agent” to discuss a theme that shows up in my work with therapy and coaching clients — the tension between how success is defined externally and how we define it for ourselves.
Here a snapshot of what we got into:
Freedom Reframed — What does financial freedom mean to you?
The Pressure to Perform — No matter the discipline, you will have a pressure to perform, what happens when you don’t buy into it?
Clearing the Debris — Navigating the emotional debris that quietly blocks your path
Redefining Success — What matters the most to you, actually?
The Space Between — Slowing down to recognize moments of rest and connection
This is a conversation about burnout, authenticity, and reclaiming success on your own terms! Use the link below to listen now and thank you for being a part of this community. My hope is that this conversation gives you a moment of reflection — and maybe the permission — to step off the performance treadmill and reconnect with what matters most to you.
Extras
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● New Reads in the Library!
I frequently publish the titles that I read alongside my book club of fellow therapists, colleagues, and friends. Use the link below to explore our current read, “Are You Mad at Me?” by Meg Josephson and explore previous titles organized by category online at charanbashir.com!
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