Gratitude ≠ Happiness
The Colloquial “Good Vibe”
Gratitude is often treated like a shortcut to happiness. A quick fix. A list of three good things to “raise your vibration”. But when you are moving through grief, burnout, or uncertainty, that message can feel hollow.
Gratitude is not about pretending everything is fine. It’s about noticing what remains steady, even when circumstances of life may not be. Gratitude is not a performance of positivity, rather, it is a practice of presence.
Gratitude does not demand that you feel good
Within the work that I facilitate with clients, gratitude is more than just an emotional state — it is a regulatory and meaning making process. It helps clients, and myself, shift from hyperfixation on what is wrong to mindful awareness of what is actually working in life. This is not to get rid of pain, but to balance our perception on life.
Where happiness often depends on circumstances (i.e. “Things are going well, therefore I feel good”) , gratitude emerges from perspective (i.e. “Even in the midst of difficulty, I can still find meaning.”)
What shows up in my sessions is that, when clients embrace a grateful perspective, they are able to:
Enhance Emotional Regulation — by shifting the focus to what is working for us rather than fixating on what is missing.
Develop Greater Resilience — by allowing the nervous system to access safety, even when life feels uncertain.
Deepen Connection — as expressing gratitude strengthens relational bonds and mutual care.
What’s important to take away here is that gratitude doesn’t require happiness to exist. In fact, you might recognize that gratitude often has the propensity to grow strongest in seasons of uncertainty or loss. Here, we begin to recognize that the things we once took for granted are what actually hold us together.
As a note here, it is valuable to contextualize this takeaway. Gratitude in these challenging moments isn’t about being thankful for the pain — but rather being aware of what is sustaining you as you are experiencing it. (e.g. the people, practices, and pockets of safety that helped you to keep going)
Off The Page: Actioning The Insights
Holding space for more than one thing to be true at a time
Dual Awareness Practice
This week, I invite you to hold space for complexity. To acknowledge what is difficult without losing sight of what is dependable. In trauma work, this is referenced as dual awareness — the capacity to notice pain while also noticing what is bringing stability.
When we only attend to what is heavy, we risk overwhelm. When we only look for the positive, we risk bypassing the truth.
Dual Awareness helps your nervous system hold both by creating a gentle middle ground where healing can happen without denial or despair.
Each night this week, I encourage you to take 2 minutes to name:
What’s Heavy — one thing that feels uncertain, painful, or unresolved.
What’s Steady — one thing that anchors or supports you right now.
Write them down side by side in a journal (or in your phone’s notes app), or simply reflect before bed. If emotions arise, breathe slowly through them. You are not trying to fix or reframe, simply noticing that both experiences can exist at once. Notate your reflections.
Thank You
Thank you for joining me this week! I’m excited to keep sharing insights from my work, research, and personal journey with you.
Did something resonate with you? Curious about applying these strategies in your life? Or know someone who might benefit?
Use the link below to schedule a consultation or forward this newsletter to a friend!
● I am asking for your support!
Adria Moses @ The School of Radical Healing
I’d like to pause this week to highlight someone very special to me — my friend Adria. She’s preparing for surgery as part of her ongoing healing from Crohn’s Disease and is seeking communal support along the way.
If you feel called, I invite you to learn more and consider supporting her journey below!
ADRIA — MOSES
“I’ve lived with Crohn’s Disease for most of my life. It’s invisible, unpredictable, and exhausting, and this January I’ll be having another major surgery. This time, I’m choosing to do it differently. I’m asking for help. I created a GoFundMe to support my healing — the time I’ll need to rest, the cost of care, and the essentials that make recovery possible.
I know I can’t do this alone. Every donation, every share, every word of encouragement makes a real difference.”
Extras
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● New Reads in the Library!
Click the link below to explore my latest read, “Four Thousand Weeks — Time Management for Mortals” by Oliver Burkeman.
As you know by now, if you have been subscribed to this newsletter for a while, I love reading with friends! This read was an encouragement from my dear friend, fundraiser, consultant, and speaker Chrissey Nguyen Klockner!
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