The Stories We Tell
“Hello my name is ________ and I’m __________”
If you are like most people, you have a well-rehearsed way of describing yourself. “I’m not confrontational”, “I have always been anxious”, “I’m the responsible one”, or “I don’t do well with change.”
These descriptions often roll of the tongue effortlessly because they have probably been repeated enough to feel familiar and easily accessible. Over time, they become shorthand for who we are, and they help us make sense of ourselves and explain our behavior to others.
Often times without realizing it, the stories and descriptions that are meant to create clarity begin to quietly narrow our sense of possibility. This week, I invite you to gently explore the narratives you carry about yourself. We are not seeking to discard them, but to discover whether or not they reflect who you have the possibility to become.
Meaning and Ego
From a psychological standpoint, the ego’s primary role is meaning making. As human beings, we are wired to organize experience into narratives that help us by: understanding cause and effect, predicting outcomes, and maintaining a coherent sense of self over time.
A stable personal story supports emotional regulation, resilience, and identity continuity. However problems can arise when these stories harden into our identity. (e.g. Identity = Who I am, Stories = How I am)
Rigidity and Flexibility
When we perceive our traits as static, we are more likely to avoid challenges, experience shame around perceived shortcomings, and unconsciously reinforce the very patterns we wish to change. Our brain attempts to make our lives a bit easier in ways that it can, meaning that in an attempt to conserve energy, we can default to familiar self stories because they are cognitively efficient (even if they no longer serve well being).
For example, we can describe ourselves as someone who is conflict avoidant, this can begin as an observation. Over time, the consistency of this internal story gives the label the opportunity to shift from something we struggle with to something that we are, inherently — through constant repetition. (i.e. our minds learn to expect avoidance as inevitable, rather than modifiable. This reduces curiosity about alternative responses.)
Cognitive Fusion
Pulled from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), this process of thoughts, feelings, and self descriptions becoming hardened absolutes is coined Cognitive Fusion. We we are cognitively fused, our thoughts are not something we have, but something that we feel confident that we are. Recognizing this is the beginning of impactful shifts that can move your life forward in value aligned ways.
Off The Page: Actioning The Insights
Let’s get curious together
Practice makes progression
This week, I encourage you to practice these low pressure strategies to begin working with your personal narrative in new ways. Notate your responses as you begin experimenting, and remember that it is normal for shifts to feel unnatural at first — this is because you are intentionally encouraging a pivot to your conceptualization of normal.
Notice your defaults
Pay attention to that phrases you use when describing yourself, especially during times of high stress. Are they framed as permanent traits or temporary experiences?
Ask where the story came from
Is your observed narrative based on past experiences, survival strategies, or roles you once needed to play? Does this narrative still fit your current reality?
Look for exceptions
Take inventory of moments that don’t fully align with your story. Do you avoid them? Dismiss them? If so, why? Even small contradictions can help loosen rigidity and restore agency.
Encouragement for the week
Practice identity as a work in progress. Remember, that you are a living system shaped by context, capacity, and choice. At every moment, you get to define your next step — even if that means momentarily existing outside of your comfort zone.
:)
Thank You
Thank you for joining me this week! I’m excited to keep sharing insights from my work, research, and personal journey with you.
Did something resonate with you? Curious about applying these strategies in your life? Or know someone who might benefit?
Use the link below to schedule a consultation or forward this newsletter to a friend!
● I am asking for your support!
Adria Moses @ The School of Radical Healing
I’d like to pause this week to highlight someone very special to me — my friend Adria. She’s preparing for surgery as part of her ongoing healing from Crohn’s Disease and is seeking communal support along the way.
If you feel called, I invite you to learn more and consider supporting her journey below!
ADRIA — MOSES
“I’ve lived with Crohn’s Disease for most of my life. It’s invisible, unpredictable, and exhausting, and this January I’ll be having another major surgery. This time, I’m choosing to do it differently. I’m asking for help. I created a GoFundMe to support my healing — the time I’ll need to rest, the cost of care, and the essentials that make recovery possible.
I know I can’t do this alone. Every donation, every share, every word of encouragement makes a real difference.”
Extras
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Click the button below to share anonymous feedback on Mindful Monday. This will support me in continually bringing aligned insights that you all can action in your day to day life to witness a shift.
● New Reads in the Library!
Click the link below to explore my latest read, My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem!
My favorite books in this season of my life all explore the human experience from multiple perspectives. This can be in the form of non-fiction, or fiction from a perspective that reveals a creative exploration of the worlds that we can create in our mind.
If you have a recommendation for me — respond to this email, and I’d love to check it out!
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