When Inner Conflict Shows Up in Relationships
Take a moment to observe
Have you ever noticed how the same kind of tension keeps showing up in different relationships? Maybe it’s a recurring misunderstanding, a feeling of not being heard, or the familiar urge to withdraw when things get uncomfortable.
Often, what we experience externally mirrors what’s unresolved internally. Our interactions with others become reflections of our own inner dialogue, the parts of us that are in quiet disagreement with each other.
We might crave connection yet fear vulnerability.
We might long for calm yet cling to control.
We might want to be understood yet struggle to speak honestly.
This is intrapersonal conflict — the invisible friction between competing needs, beliefs, or identities within us. And when left unexamined, it quietly spills outward, shaping the tone and texture of our relationships.
What is being revealed to you?
Psychologically speaking, what we resist internally often shows up externally. This process, known as projection, occurs when we attribute disowned emotions or traits onto others. Rather than facing what feels uncomfortable within, we recognize it more easily in those around us.
Projection isn’t about blame, it’s a protective mechanism. Our reactions to others often mirror the parts of ourselves still waiting to be acknowledged.
When something remains unprocessed within us — whether it’s a fear, unmet need, or disowned emotion — we tend to perceive it more vividly in others. This isn’t coincidence; it’s communication.
Let’s take a look at some examples:
Assuming others are judging you when it’s really your own inner critic speaking.
Feeling envious of someone’s success can be a sign of an unmet desire or untapped potential within you.
Repeating similar conflicts may suggest an unresolved inner theme seeking your attention.
From a trauma-informed and polyvagal perspective, conflict (whether internal or external) is not a sign of dysfunction, but an invitation to awareness.
The goal isn’t to eliminate conflict, it’s to become fluent in what it’s teaching. When we listen with curiosity instead of judgment, conflict becomes less about blame and more about understanding.
Off The Page: Actioning The Insights
Tuning into Self
Meeting Inner Conflict with Curiosity
Mindful inquiry invites us to hold both sides of conflict with compassion rather than choosing one over the other. When tension is acknowledged instead of resisted, it begins to soften — first within us, then in our relationships. Give these practices a try this week and take note of what you recognize:
1. Name the Two Sides
Write out both voices without judgment, for example “The part that wants rest” and “The part that feels guilty.” Seeing them clearly helps you observe rather than react.
2. Offer Internal Repair
Validate each side with empathy:
“It makes sense you want rest.”
“It makes sense you feel pressure to do more.”
Acknowledgment creates internal safety and models the repair we seek in relationships.
3. Notice the Outer Shift
As you practice inner repair, observe how interactions change. Conversations may soften, patience expands, and conflict becomes easier to hold without collapse or escalation.
Thank You
Thank you for joining me this week! I’m excited to keep sharing insights from my work, research, and personal journey with you.
Did something resonate with you? Curious about applying these strategies in your life? Or know someone who might benefit?
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Clearing the Debris: Mental Health in Real Estate with Charan Bashir
I recently joined Sumina Bhatti on her podcast, “The Rested and Rich Real Estate Agent” to discuss a theme that shows up in my work with therapy and coaching clients — the tension between how success is defined externally and how we define it for ourselves.
Here a snapshot of what we got into:
Freedom Reframed — What does financial freedom mean to you?
The Pressure to Perform — No matter the discipline, you will have a pressure to perform, what happens when you don’t buy into it?
Clearing the Debris — Navigating the emotional debris that quietly blocks your path
Redefining Success — What matters the most to you, actually?
The Space Between — Slowing down to recognize moments of rest and connection
This is a conversation about burnout, authenticity, and reclaiming success on your own terms! Use the link below to listen now and thank you for being a part of this community. My hope is that this conversation gives you a moment of reflection — and maybe the permission — to step off the performance treadmill and reconnect with what matters most to you.
Extras
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● New Reads in the Library!
Click the link below to explore my latest read, “Four Thousand Weeks — Time Management for Mortals” by Oliver Burkeman.
As you know by now, if you have been subscribed to this newsletter for a while, I love reading with friends! This read was an encouragement from my dear friend, fundraiser, consultant, and speaker Chrissey Nguyen Klockner!
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